This has got to stop. For my followers here, you know I don’t sleep much. Yet, every time I have tried to curl up and snooze over the last three days, I have been interrupted in the most unusual ways. It all started with a rrrrrrr sound. Woke me from that deep abyss I fall into after staying awake for 34 hours. What the pluck? I crawl out of soft and cozy and follow my ears…to my sink? Huh? Apparently some hygienic ghost wanted to brush their teeth and turned my electric toothbrush on. Funny, because I did forget to brush before I crashed, but weird, huh? Tooth fairy maybe?
The next night (not really night to normal people)I half-woke thinking I had mice. Kind of a scritching sound, you know? Holy crow, I do not need mice in here. Laid back down thinking I would investigate when I got up in a few hours. Nope, the sound was driving me crazy. Since I moved to this cul-de-sac in March, I’ve become used to the quiet here. Plus, I moved my fan into the “offfice’ earlier that day, so it was extremely quiet in my sleeping area. Okay, dammit, now the sound seemed rhythmic almost…not in my kitchen drawers, but over by the window…windows always scare me–too many stupid blood-bath movies when I was younger and braver–so back to the window. I stood still. I listened. Nothing. Then, there! I heard it again. For crying out loud, it is only water dripping from the last downpour. I closed the window and this latest sleep-interruptous case and went back to soft and cozy dreamland.
Last night, but not really night, I woke up to a huge clattering crash! I reached for my weapon (wouldn’t you like to know) and jumped out of soft and cozy, holding myself in my best “I’m-not-afraid-of-you” stance. I had to keep blowing the wild locks out of my eyes, and my outfit was, well, let’s just say, not intimidating. The whole picture would have been really funny IF the glass beads that broke all over the damn floor had a way to laugh. Now, someone, anyone, tell me why that metal string of glass beads broke?
Are you like me? Do you look for reasons for strange things happening? Or are you a realist, who just brushes them aside and moves on? Here’s what I do know. My heart has been so broken by the loss of one grandson to the CPS system, and the death of his brother, that my thoughts always come back to them.
The boys loved snuggling with Grani, listening to a story, while the rain poured down and the wind blew. Rainy days, and I live in the Pacific Northwest, so there are a lot of them, always make me think of the boys.
The last time the 4 year-old was here on an overnight with Grani, he was fascinated by my electric toothbrush. So fascinated, that after he brushed his teeth, he insisted on putting his toothbrush next to mine, instead of in the cupboard where we keep it. He couldn’t reach, so I took it and put it next to mine, where it has been for the last 2 months–where it will stay.
Two months ago today, I was taking an afternoon nap, when the phone rang. I tried to ignore it, but they kept calling back. It was my son, crying and screaming at me to get over there, that something had happened to his 3 year-old. As I raced out of my door, one of the wire strings with glass beads caught on my wrist and, in my panic, I jerked it from me, and it spilled beads inside and outside the threshold of my door. It was the 4 year-old who ended up making a game out of finding all the beads the next day, as the adults around him were swooning from the death of his brother.
I’m just saying…
It is interesting the way some of us connect the dots.
Here’s where I ask for comments and beg to be “liked”…
June 26, 2013 at 5:46 am
so sorry for your loss
June 26, 2013 at 6:13 am
Thank you, Paul and thanks for stopping by.
June 26, 2013 at 12:38 pm
WOW!!! so funny so so sad!!
June 26, 2013 at 9:40 pm
Loved this, it made me laugh and it made me cry…
June 27, 2013 at 1:09 am
Me too! Thanks, Heather, I know you’re busy. xo p
June 27, 2013 at 3:57 am
RE: The Brother…We seldom realize the intense feelings of children…picking up beads…made me think of the myth of Persephone – and Demeter gathering the path of seeds left behind. I’m thinking necklace of broken beads. A poem? Oh no! I must get to bed! **hugs**
June 27, 2013 at 3:59 am
Sweet dreams & yes, a poem! I was working on one when we started this…go to bed!
June 27, 2013 at 11:24 am
Fabulous writing! How can you not make those connections? I so hope you are getting some sleep now since I know you were up at 3:30 this am! Love You!
June 27, 2013 at 2:37 pm
Thank you, Gwen. I did get some sleep finally. love to you too. Hope those leg cramps eased off.
June 27, 2013 at 11:24 pm
Kind of eerie in a way. Your observations are intriguing. That’s why you are a writer. I’m sure I would not have noticed these threads that are pulling your memory back to the day that has forever changed you and your family. like like like Love and blessings to you.
June 27, 2013 at 11:38 pm
I miss those boys so much that I keep making those connections…everything reminds me of them…
June 28, 2013 at 9:06 am
OMG!! That whole scene is spooky weird. Your writing of it is pure fun(mostly) and very visual. ant
June 28, 2013 at 11:51 am
Thank you, ant. You have a pic! I’m so proud of you :>)
June 28, 2013 at 9:08 am
I love how you respond to life exactly as a poet does respond: Making sense of what’s going on in the physical world by seeing the spiritual connections. Some people shrug off parable without ears to hear. Some people live them. (I’m following your blog now.)
June 28, 2013 at 11:53 am
Thank you, Susan, I’m glad you’re along. It’s going to be a fun ride, I hope. And I very much enjoyed your place too. We’ll keep in touch.
June 28, 2013 at 12:34 pm
Well, this will seem out of context but I was catching up on your blog, in part to let you know that I’ve nominated your for another award (the Shine On award! You can find details at http://1writeway.com/2013/06/28/just-call-me-ms-popularity/). I’m hoping it might cheer you up, getting another recognition from a fellow blogger and cabin mate. But it seems so trivial in light of what you’ve gone through and are still going through. It breaks my heart that you and your family have suffered so much. Yet your post felt therapeutic in its humor and then its horror. But, at best, all I can say is I am so so sorry.
June 28, 2013 at 12:45 pm
Thank you, Marie. I’m writing to live and friendships like yours do help. Don’t worry, I’m doing just what I want/need to do.
June 28, 2013 at 1:42 pm
That’s good 😉
June 28, 2013 at 12:45 pm
Oh, and thanks for the award!
June 28, 2013 at 1:42 pm
June 28, 2013 at 2:52 pm
So sad – yet wonderfully observed. Touched to tears.
June 28, 2013 at 10:13 pm
Thank you for commenting. I almost want to apologize for making people sad…but it would be wrong to take back what I just gave.
I appreciate your visit.
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