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Caught Up In the Cave Woman Blues

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Pansies, and the last color before the hard frost hits. PHALL PHOTO 2013

Pansies; the last color before the hard frost hits.
PHALL PHOTO 2013

I’ve Got the Back Home, Laptop Crash, Secret Garden, Freakin’ Holidays, Genealogy Brick Wall, Writing Slump, Dead People, Neglecting Gertrude, Friends & Family, Cave Woman Blues

I wonder if I can Rap a Blues song? Hey, I can Rap! Just ask Sara & Jon…after they catch their breath from laughing so hard. Hahahaha, remember mom Rapping? Hahahahah!

Yes, I’m back from another week in Oregon, as Mrs. M. is pretty determined to make it on her own. I’m still on call and always will be. She loved her mini-beach and thanked me for the new office chair that I brought down for her. I hope that when I am 90 I will be as independent, determined and lucky enough to have those around me who respect my wishes.

I’ve actually been back for just over a week, but several things have kept me from posting here or hanging with my friends and family on Facebook.

The blues catch up with me every so often and leave me unable to, shall we say, function? No, that’s too dramatic and not quite correct. Communicate, that’s what I can’t seem to do when the blues take hold. I am functioning though, so no worries there. I made it to a Dr. appointment for a new inhaler and they got me signed up with the new health care system. No, we don’t need to discuss that. I’ll just say that I am grateful because I have had no health insurance for the last 3 years, and with only 2 small pensions, I will now qualify for it. Okay, I’ll also add how sorry I am for the hardworking folks who have been shafted in this health care mess.

What else have I managed to get done through the blues? I’ve written some PR for our local writer’s retreat that takes place in January. Writing: I’ve worked on the Postcards publication and have a final draft ready to be edited. I think.

Sorting through primary and secondary gen docs. PHALL PHOTO 2013

Sorting through primary and secondary genealogy docs.
PHALL PHOTO 2013

Genealogy: I sent payment and request for a marriage certificate from England that should give me some good leads for finding my “brick wall” English ancestors. I’ve been trying out some new gen software and playing with a new family history site.

Maggie: I’ve cleaned, sorted and organized my cave (Maggie) AND filled the garbage several times. I’m still thrilled to have some of my houseplants finally surrounding me. They also force me to open the blinds during the day. The damn light really takes away the whole cave ambiance! My neighbor gave me a cool round box filled with incense. I’ve been sampling them, which totally adds to the hippie ambiance:>)

Remember all those plants I transplanted from my old garden? This primrose has decided to bloom early for me. Made my heart happy. PHALL PHOTO 2013

Remember all those plants I transplanted from my old garden? This primrose has decided to bloom early for me. Made my heart happy.
PHALL PHOTO 2013

Green bursting from a beautiful piece of petrified wood at the pond's edge. PHALL PHOTO 2013

Green sedem bursting from a beautiful piece of petrified wood at the pond’s edge. I just tucked a pinch of sedem in this a couple months ago and it sure took off!
PHALL PHOTO 2013

Out and about: I did my weekly(ish) load of laundry at my neighbor’s house and visited his dog, Gertrude, while he was gone. She was so frantically happy to see me that I feel bad for neglecting her. We snuggled and rocked and caught up for awhile. On my way back to Maggie, I detoured to the pond, grabbed my camera and took a few shots of the treasures I found.

A hidden shroom and some dew drops on the tips of the blades of grass. PHALL PHOTO 2013

A hidden mushroom and some dew drops on the tips of the blades of grass. I love the way the dirt still clings to the mushroom.
PHALL PHOTO 2013

So, not bad for having the blues, huh? Yesterday, I made phone and email contact with some of my family members that I have been neglecting. They get it. They have also had some crushing loses lately. I usually make a yearly calendar for my folks, but I have been avoiding that too. While there is an adorable new great grand baby to add to their calendar this year, I also have to add 2 RIP dates, for a great grandson (my grandson) and my mom’s sister, along with the painful Feb 2012 death date of their daughter/my sister. Calendars are overrated, don’t you agree?

I am proud of myself for surviving the crash of my beloved laptop on Thanksgiving eve. Yes, I love that thing. Paul got it for me while we were living in the hospital in 2008. It was the connection to our loving support circle and has been my constant connection since then. My sis sent me an awesome, pretty much brand new, laptop this summer and I have been using both for awhile. I need to take hers in to get it updated, I think. It runs incredibly slow and freezes up sometimes. But mine crashes and the keyboard is failing. I was using hers for writing and storing photos, and mine for internet. Lately, I have been storing some photos and writing here and some there, so I hope everything can be recovered. I’m pretty good about doing back ups, but if I lost anything, it won’t be the first time! See how well I handle that? Losing cherished loved ones refocuses your priorities. Or maybe I’m just numb.

Peace Out,

Patti

Author: Patti Hall

Writer, daughter, sister, mom, niece, grani, and friend. Works-in-progress; 3 children's books, some poetry and a memoir series, "Souvenirs from My Heart." Pursuits of happiness include gardening, walking the beach, reading, writing, photography, traveling and genealogy. I am a widow (2009), lost my sis in 2012, my aunt and a precious grandson in 2013.

26 thoughts on “Caught Up In the Cave Woman Blues

  1. I’ll join you for the blues but not for the rap. The only time I tried that I was told I could rap with a silent C. Though my computer has been better behaved recently I still have loads of problems getting onto/ commenting on lots of WordPress sites via Google Chrome.It’s irritating. Today I was cross because my bank card was rejected and I fin out it’s because a U.S. firm paid 1 penny into my account to verify the account ( like Ebay do at the start).For 1 penny they embarrass me in a shop though I could well cover the small amount I was spending. Grrr
    I too have hit a brick wall or two on the family tree because one ancestor left Ireland to fight in the Peninsular War and I can find no record before then. The Irish must be as bad as the Welsh at record keeping.
    You’ve undergone a few highs and quite a few lows. Here’s hoping you get a bit of a rest, find everything goes your way and you have a wonderful Christmas.
    xxx Huge Hugs xxx

    • Well, David, we are a pair:>) Love the Blues and Rap, not so much. Just being silly with my kids back when they were teens.
      My Irish kin are elusive too. Found them after they got to Philly, PA, but have not had spare $ to chase the Irish records yet.
      Didn’t know the hassles I hear about were Google Chrome, so sorry. Maybe they will catch up!
      It will be a miracle to leave my cave for Christmas, but I will try. I hope yours is good and the only blues are musical:>)
      Hugsback,
      P

  2. Skipping over all the other stuff … That’s one great mushroom. Do fairies dance beneath it? It looks like it could shelter a whole fairy clan!

  3. Patti, I loved this title and this post! Haha, I think I’ve “been there.” Here’s hoping that the marriage certificate from England does the trick. Those brick walls are so annoying! One thing that I’ve found that’s helped me is that by starting my blog about my family history, I’ve made connections with people who are related and who have information for me. I’ve gotten lots of facts, documents, photos ,etc. So glad you’re back–I’ve missed you :).

    • Thank you, Luanne. I think Susan Nicholls infected me with her boldness!
      Do you use WP for family history? I’m so excited about this cert because I rarely have $ to spend on primary docs.
      It is nice to be missed:>)

      • Yes, I’ve got a WordPress blog. At first I thought I’d use it for my family only, but I’ve found a lot of really cool family history/genealogy bloggers on WP, so it’s fun sharing with all. Plus, by using it as a public blog, I’ve been contacted by others who have given me such great info.

      • Cool. I think I started one but left it private. Maybe I’ll fix it up a bit and see what happens. Thanks.

  4. One day you can see/hear me singing the blues–I can so relate.

    Your mushroom with dewdrops blows me away!

    • I have a truly horrible singing voice and I think that just stinks, because I LOVE to sing! Next best is reading children’s stories with crazy voices and body movements.

      Thank you, I love that photo too, although, I admit I probably enlarged it too much. My eyes are so weak, that I never see those dew drops until I enlarge the photos. Happy accidents:>)

  5. For someone who has the blues and has so much on their plate, I would say that you are amazing. Truly. You have achieved so much and I also love the fact that your posts are always so upbeat. The love and care for your family and friends is overwhelming and shines through. I think you are allowed to have a bad day now and again… especially if your laptop crashes. Take care x

    • Thank you, Jade. Big smile here. So odd, I felt pretty selfish and scattered when I read that post through, and you got the opposite from it. I guess we really are our own worse critics. So nice to have friends like you! xx

      • We are DEFINITELY our own worst critics! I think that sometimes it does us good to be honest and just put stuff out there. It never ceases to amaze me how many people are experiences the same things or similar. I think we all get stuck in our own little bubbles and forget that out there, in the big wide world, we are truly not alone.

        You are more than welcome. 🙂

  6. Patti, I’ve missed you. Love the title, the incredible photos, the sad stories, the sense of humor that permeates the mess of life. I’ve got the sit down, don’t cry, oh Lord, I want to live blues. Maybe as much as blue, you had a strong need for introversion to resettle and find yourself in your world with your pond and primroses, your ocean and your cave.

    And computers. We’re stuck with them and their vague peculiarities. I’m so grateful my son keeps me half way sorted out from NC when I’m in trouble. Reassuring to sit at my desk and see him moving through screens and figuring it all out. If I move my mouse, he sends me a note: “Mom, let me drive, will ya’?” I tie my hands behind my back.

    Your calendars sound like family history–the way people kept births and deaths in old family bibles. Makes me want to create an event calendar to remember those I love and have lost or those who are still here. On the lost side, I think of my dad who died when I was 14. On his birthday, I’m the only one left remembering him (not my brother’s style to think of this, but I remind him). It would be good to have such a calendar so my sons would know their grandfather’s birth and death dates.

    Back to computers, I have an external hard drive for a daily complete back-up, but the most precious images and my most precious (to me) book are also backed-up at Drop Box. Feels as safe as this cloud world can be. (I was always careful with birth control, too.)

    Enjoy the primroses and pansies.
    Elaine

    • Thank you for your visit and comments. I’m still laughing about you being the back seat driver on your computer. This is the first stage in my life that I haven’t had a computer guru of my own, so now I have to find a place who will help me inexpensively. Grrr.
      I like your song too:>) I’ve been living this unsettled life since 2009. Either people I love need to stop dying or I need to learn to cope better. I would prefer part 1. Meanwhile I will keep falling and getting back up.
      Yes, the calendars have always been a like a family journal of sorts. I’ve saved mine for years and have needed info off them many times. I love that you are inspired to start one for your family. My memory has taken a plunge the last few years and I get dates so wrong, when I used to be so good with them. Now the calendar is essential.
      I have an external hard drive that I have never learned to use. Yep, it’s on the list:>) I think I had the crashed computer saved on one of those clouds, but I will have to look in my secret code book. hahaha
      When I found that primrose I felt happiness in my center/stomach. That was a years old rescue plant from end of season retail store. One of the workers there always gave me the throw always and I tucked them in for the winter and hoped for the best.
      Thanks for the visit, Elaine.
      Enjoy the warm fires and sunsets,
      Patti

  7. Good to have you back, Patti! I have to second Luanne’s comment. Your post only shows what a wonderful generous soul you are! It’s good that you let yourself wallow in the blues now and then. There’s no such thing as “getting over it.” There’s only learning to cope with it, integrate the loss and sadness into your life. But still you keep right on living and being a bright spot in other people’s lives, whether or not you always see it that way 🙂 The photos are wonderful, and kudos for cleaning out your woman-cave 😉

  8. Hey Patti! Glad to see you back. I was starting to worry. Boldness? Insanity. Is insanity contagious? Ha! I love the mushroom pic and to see your sedem…you really must have a green thumb. Your post reflects your beautiful heart. Living with loss is never an easy thing to do and your family has had your share this year. That you can stay busy, even through those blue moments, shows strength of character. Thank you for sharing.

    • Like I just wrote, Marie, I am feeling the friendship today! Yes, you are contagious. Reading your posts makes me have moments of brave, bold, the insanity rubs off too:>) Thanks for the visit and the kind words, Susan.

  9. Oh Patti, I’d love to hear you rap these blues! I have to say, for someone who began by saying the blues don’t allow her to function…you’ve done quite a bit if very impressive functioning if you ask me! This post reminds me of the power and healing effect of writing – we start out blue, but by the time we finish writing it’s turned itself around…humour begins to creep in, curtains are opened and a little light begins to shine through. I can’t begin to ‘understand’ the hugeness of the losses you face as you reflect on this year, but when I read what I see is someone who still finds plenty of heart to help others – comforting a lonely dog, backing up an amazing elderly lady who’s fiercely holding on to her independence, taking beautiful photos (that mushroom shot is something else!) and who’s soul still rejoices in the bright vibrant colour of an early blooming primrose…and who then finds the time and space to share all that with us, while managing the challenges of two laptops that though much loved and still functioning are a little flawed and need lots of patience and TLC. I think you’re AMAZING!!!! Love and hugs with a large dose of deep respect and admiration, Harula xxx

    • Oh, Harula, this reflection helps build my strength! These encouraging words do help resuscitate me:>) Of course I want to deny it all, but I’m just going to absorb it today.
      I also want to reflect what I see in you and get from your writings. As I commented yesterday, your calm, loving ways always fill me when I stop at your place online. Your days seem to be filled with service to others, while fully acknowledging and rejoicing the simple things that come your way. I respect and admire you!
      Warm hugs,
      Patti

  10. Your blues came in November; mine started then and keep hanging on.

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