“It is funny how you do not miss affection until it is given, but once it is, it can never be enough; you would drown in it if possible.” Libba Bray, The Sweet Far Thing
The Heart Room Door
The heart cracked and broke into all those pieces and rolled across the floor.
Grief stricken and shaken by the mounting losses, I ran straight out of the door.
I pulled it closed behind me. “Click” went the lock, then I swallowed down the key.
Further along the hallway, I curled into a closet, to mend what little was left of me.
Years went by; I patched the leaking eyes and embroidered an acceptable smile.
Still, and even so, opening that closet door would take a good long while.
Like shiny pieces of mercury, the heart fragments rolled and bumped along the floor,
eventually, they melded together, and slipped right under the heart room door.
Down the hall, in the closet, the door opened slowly and all I could do was stare:
the heart was whole, held gently in your hands, as you pulled me in to begin the repair.
Look at all these beauties! I think we saw a total of 5 bulls and one doe. Phall Photos 2013
Did I really take another day off? No, but me and my friend drove the country back roads, the loooonnnnggg way to my destination, and I got some great shots in. Fantastic Elk pics and more.
Other notes:
Please see the Book Review on this main page (it’s in the right hand column on my screen–who knows where the hell it is on yours?). I can’t recommend it enough. You can buy it at Amazon.
I’ve dedicated my new photo site to my sister who died in 2012. I’ve added a page for my mother’s garden photos. She’s very good and grows an awesome garden every year in Eagle River, Alaska. Go on over and meet my mom, Rae Hall; you’ll like her! Phall Photo site here.
My son is sore but okay. Thanks for all of your well wishes to him.
Here is the 4th installment of the serialized version of a section of the memoir, Souvenirs from My heart; The Patient Patient Advocate.
cont. medical history document…
March 2006 Paul had a routine colonoscopy. The doctor that performed it said that Paul had 1 benign polyp that was removed, and suggested a follow up in 5 years. Paul’s PCP (his doctor) sent a letter saying that the “tubular adenoma” polyp was “pre-cancerous” and he wanted him re-checked in 18 months. Paul recovered quickly from the procedure, but was psychologically bruised :>) by the preparation for the procedure the night before. Being a former Marine, he had a few choice words to growl during that memorable evening. I still got him to laugh with my gross jokes about his “situation.” We were frustrated to get 2 different results and recommendations; one was a relief, while the other made us concerned.
Meanwhile, Paul was having issues with extremely sore hands and cramping–especially at night–in his upper arms. He never had aches and pains before, and we wondered if somehow the surgeries had something to do with it. Paul saw his PCP, who sent him to the surgeon that repaired his rotator cuffs …the surgeon had never heard of these kinds of side effects, and sent Paul for an arthritis test.
June 2006 Three months later, a diagnosis; arthritis in both hands, severe in thumb, but why the sudden onset? And this diagnosis still doesn’t address the soreness in his upper arms. Paul has always been very active and healthy, yet since around the time of his shoulder surgeries, he had been plagued with cramping arms, aching hands, night fevers & chills, fatigue, dental issues, and heartburn…he ate a lot of Tums. Paul saw his PCP regularly (the months of 4, 6, 7, 8, 9, 12 in 2006), but no diagnosis was made. His shoulders gave him no problems at all.
For the next 8 months, Paul had the same issues, but the crystal form of MSM that I filled capsules with seemed to help the aches and pains.
Postcard 5:
Paul and I both had gut feelings about all these strange medical happenings. Follow your gut feelings. We did do the normal things that you do with medical concerns, but we didn’t go any further. Push harder; get a second opinion if you don’t get satisfactory answers. It is your health and life on the line, so don’t worry about hurting your doctor’s feelings.
CASPIAN TERNS & A LOST SEAGULL Ready-Set-Take Off!!
First, please go see my “gutsy story” at http://www.gutsyliving.com You can make a comment at the very bottom of the page.
The post title conveys that this is part 1 of a serialized version from a portion of my memoir-in-progress. It varies slightly from the actual book, in that it is not a book, but a blog post. Smile. My intention is to keep my writing focused on the memoir project, including blog posts here on The Write Place. If I bore the socks off you, then my new intention will be to move to a deserted island and never write again. Either that, or rewrite the damn thing, I mean, the host object of all my worldly dreams. So, on with it!
This post could be about you or someone you love.
The contents of this post don’t come with citations, statistics, links, or expert opinions. You get souvenir postcards, instead.
The words within come from my heart; these are not happy souvenirs from my heart, but practical souvenirs, with bits of humor to buffer the fear, pain and sadness. (Plus Paul and I really loved to laugh)
These souvenirs were collected along our travels through many hospital stays. My late husband, Paul, and I gathered ways to help others who would be fighting for their lives, like we were fighting for his at the time.
We wiled away many hours in the hospital and temporary housing, talking about the physical clues we may have missed. I made a few notes about what we could put in a book for people in our situation. Paul’s first suggestion about our future book was to include his health information, from a few years before, right up to the day he was diagnosed with cancer.
That part was easy; I had already dug through doctor bills, lab reports and even our family wall calendar. My mission had been to make a document, specific to Paul’s health, for the millions of times doctors, nurses, administrators and others asked about Paul’s medical history.
I’m giving you the nitty-gritty truth here; even if you hand them a copy of the medical history, they will still want to hear it from the patient. In our case, Paul had made me his unofficial health advocate right after we became a couple, so he would defer their questions to me. I just read the answers from our copy of the document, or used it as a reminder of dates, lab values and other details. It did take months for me to think of making the document, but it sure saved our brain power once I had it completed.
Postcard 1: Make a written health history for yourself and family members, BEFORE it is needed, like now. Okay, maybe wait until you finish reading this post.
To be continued…
See, I told you it would be short, but that also means I had to cut it off sometime.
Watch forSouvenirs from My Heart; Postcards-Two with another beautiful picture that has nothing to do with the post.
As usual, I am happy to read your comments, questions, and critiques. However, mind reading isn’t my forte, so you’ll have to actually click on the button and write me a note. I’m so happy if you “like” this post, but why do you like it?
If you can’t “comment” or “like” because of technical difficulties, send me an email at 1writeplacewordpress at symbol gmail dot com. Weird, but that is so spammies can’t glom onto me. Please use the blog post title in the subject line.
I collected some of my hearts and souvenirs to make a display to photograph. I’m using it for a temp cover of the memoir series on a book site that I am building. I know, it is a little busy, but it is just temporary and, hopefully, gets the point across. What do you think, does this pic say, “Souvenirs from My Heart” ? Just don’t ask me to take off the blue bracelet (my late sister’s) or the…well, you get the idea that this was a very tearful task. And I do have a larger corner shelf I’m going to move the things onto.
Thanks to a comment from malikoma, I’ve mastered one of the many skills on my to-do list. If you would like to see all the memoir info in one place, go to this page (linking to other posts is my new skill) and it is all there.
I am working on a page for the children’s books, but until then, you can look that up in search or topics on my main page.
Up to 16,080 words at Camp N. Have made a template of book, from copyright page to contact end page, and plugging pieces in as I complete them. Not complete, like finish, but complete like ready for 1st edit. By the end of the month I hope to have it all together and ready for 1st edit. Just so you know, that will be a (put in your own expletive) miracle, but goals are good, right?
Here’s where I grovel for comments and ask everyone to click the “LIKE” button at the bottom of this post. I’m trying to get “them” to make a “LOVE” button and a “Nothing to Write Home About” button.
THE WRITE PLACE... 